2 BIG Fears Keeping You From Falling in Love

You say you want a relationship, yet you’re always hesitating. Here’s why …
Fear is a funny thing.

When you’re in a scary situation—say you’re confronted by a bear—it’s easy to know what you’re feeling. You’re afraid. And, you know that what’s causing the fear is a very definite threat to your physical well-being.
Fear has a purpose—to keep you safe. You want to get the heck away from that bear as fast as possible. And, fear compels you to take action.
When it comes to relationships, fear is a bit harder to identify. You’re not exactly sweating bullets and fearing for your life. You probably don’t have such a strong visceral response. But, the fear is just as valid.
We’ve found that relationship-based fears (some call it “fear of intimacy”) tend to come in two flavors. And, both serve the same purpose: to keep you safe. Unfortunately, they also keep you from having a close, loving relationship.
Let’s take a close look at this and how it happens.

1. Fear of Being Abandoned
This one is familiar to most people.
Being in a committed, loving relationship involves taking risks. Fully knowing another and creating intimacy, requires vulnerability. The minute you commit to someone and sharing love with them, you also open yourself to the risk of being left.
It’s a very scary premise—that you can let someone into your heart only to have the relationship not work out.
The threat here is clear: it’s the pain of heartbreak. This threat is especially terrifying if you’ve been looking for the “real deal” for a long time and can’t bear the thought of another relationship not working out.
This is fear’s way of keeping you safe—if you don’t get too close, there’s nothing to fear (or so we tell ourselves).

2. Fear of Being Smothered
As much as you may genuinely want a lasting, loving relationship, part of you might be afraid that having such a relationship is going to take away your freedom.
The common “other half” mentality actually leads to fears about getting into a relationship—by suggesting that we are each somehow incomplete until we find a partner, we might feel that we have to compromise a great deal.
Being single comes with a lot of freedom—you get to decide what to do with your time and what your priorities are. The prospective of a close relationship presents another kind of threat: the potential loss of individuality, autonomy, and personal space.
How To Know If You Have Either Of These Fears
Fear of being abandoned and being smothered show up in a lot of ways. Sometimes people are very picky about a mate, or they check out of the whole dating process altogether. Others create unnecessary expectations for relationships, or inadvertently stir up tension in a relationship when they do get into one.
And here’s the kicker: these two fears tend to take hold of us at the same time.
We genuinely want a relationship, but we’re also equally afraid of being left AND of losing ourselves. No wonder why finding a great partner and creating a healthy relationship feels like a shot in the dark.
But, once you dissolve these fears, you unshackle yourself from their effects. And then, love will start flowing your way so fast, you won’t want to stop it.